Do you find forgiving others difficult? Yet Jesus encourages us to forgive as He forgives. So how? Forgiving someone is not necessarily a one-and-done deal, nor is it easy work. That’s our first lesson. Forgiving takes time and effort. But are there practical steps we can all take? Here are three that I find work.

Praying this set of forgiveness prayers  DAILY opened my eyes to people and situations that had hurt me throughout my life. Once I was aware of that pain, I was able to work towards forgiving those people. Although I wasn’t expecting to feel different, once I started this work, I felt a new lightness and freedom that I wasn’t even aware I was missing. It was life changing, it can be for you too.

Forgiveness isn’t usually a one and done deal, however. It takes daily work, and continual perseverance. Due to our hardened hearts, we often have to forgive others for past hurts more than once. Also, as life continues, some people let us down or actively hurt us again and again. Don’t give up on them! God doesn’t!

For this and other reasons, I’ve noticed that my “unforgiveness behaviours,” for lack of a better term, can creep back into my life. So, I currently and regularly need to recommit to the work of forgiveness. Forgiving people and the work of forgiveness take work. Here ‘s what I found has helped. May it help you too.

1^st Say the words.

The most simple and concrete step to take in forgiving someone is to say out loud, “I forgive (this person).” It is straightforward, but not always easy. Repeat this daily. Find a time to make forgiveness part of your day. If you already have a daily time of prayer, slip it in there. If not, find a regular activity and time (brushing your teeth, a commute, walking the dog) to start including it. Light a candle to Mary, she will help you.

2^nd RECALL the past

There may be hurt in your life that you have chosen not to think about and have actively pushed away somewhere back in the depths of your heart. This is normal. But you will need to do some mental work to let those painful experiences come to light. If you don’t acknowledge hidden pain, you won’t know what and who you need to forgive. First remember the hurt, acknowledge its presence and pain in your life, and then be able to say, “So and so hurt me, but I forgive that person.” Say a Sorrowful Rosary for them and yourself.

3^rd Prepare yourself daily

In the morning, think about your day and predict what moments will frustrate you and disturb your peace. For example, on a Wednesday, you might already know that your morning interactions with your coworker Natalie will tick you off, or that your afternoon time with your kids will make you impatient and want to snap at them, or that your husband will leave for his boys’ night, leaving most responsibilities to you and causing some angst. Ask Jesus to help and guide you. Say the Jesus prayer.

You can then take a minute and prepare for those situations, practicing forgiveness in advance by imagining the encounter so you can think about how you could react better, and with more intentionality. This little preparatory examination of conscience may seem daunting, but it should only take a few minutes.

Then together let’s keep practicing and don’t forget, we need to ask Jesus to help us!!   And He will.

Fr David Jones OLW